How to Advance Your Legal Career by Building Trust and Managing Relationships

 

The Human Need to Feel Important

Today's webinar is about a topic that applies no matter what level of your career you are at, whether you are a senior partner, a law student, or an associate. It also doesn't matter what practice setting you are in, whether you are in a law firm, in-house, or for the government. It covers one of the most important topics regarding how you can do well in organizations, things attorneys do that hinder their success, and ways attorneys can get clients and advance to be much more successful than other people.

I would like to start by making a few remarks about the core of what I am going to talk about today. One of the most important human needs that people have is the need to feel important, meaning you feel good about yourself for one reason or another, you feel that you are contributing something to the world, and you are important. We try to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good, and we avoid those who make us feel bad. We go to good schools or become lawyers in order to feel a sense of importance.

From an evolutionary perspective, people have always survived in groups. If you were rejected by a group, you were not protected, and you lost resources and mates.

• People want to feel like they make a difference.

• People want to be seen for their best qualities, not their negative ones.

• People want to feel valued.

• People need to feel that others respect and like them.

The need to feel important is deeply ingrained in everything that we do. If people don't feel important or feel like they belong, it leads to depression, anxiety, loneliness, and hopelessness. People often suffer from poor physical health as well. In the US, a significant proportion of people are on antidepressants, have anxiety, die from heart attacks, and drink too much. Often, this happens simply because they are constantly led to believe that they are not important and that there is something wrong with them.

It is interesting that in the largest cities, the people struggling are often comparing themselves to others. Everywhere they turn, people look richer, better-looking, more successful, and have more friends. Anytime you get around a large group of people, that comparison can start to happen. I have noticed this with people who move into large cities, experience difficulty doing well in school, or become criminals who feel they are not accepted by society. Often, criminals are individuals who cannot work effectively or get along in groups.

When you think about the problems in the world and the things that upset you, they are often linked to:

• People who make you feel unimportant.

• Work conditions that make you feel rejected or like you don't belong.

• Environments that don't give you confidence.

If people say negative things to you that make you feel unimportant, it affects you negatively, just as it affects others when you do the same to them. I am sure you have seen many people who feel unsuccessful and rejected. Interestingly, when people are admitted to psychiatric hospitals, they often have delusions of grandeur. They will claim they are Napoleon or Jesus Christ, which I believe is an attempt to feel important.

   

Making Employers and Clients Feel Valued

One of the reasons this topic is so critical is because anytime you are working for someone else—someone giving you a job and paying you—you need to make that person feel important. It comes across in how you talk to them, how you treat them, and how you make them feel in your presence.

Many people never understand this: when someone employs you or when you have a client, it is not just about the quality of the work you do or where you went to school. It is about how you make that person feel about themselves and whether they like you. If they don't like you and you don't make them feel good, they will surround themselves with people who will. You have probably seen people undermining each other, rolling their eyes, and being unkind. If you rely solely on your pedigree to get ahead, you will not do well. This is the same way attorneys bring in clients—by making the client feel taken care of and important.

The faster you realize that you need to make others feel good about themselves as an attorney serving clients and working for superiors, the better you will perform. It doesn't matter how technically proficient you are if you aren't making people feel good. You must manage the people above you through the way you treat them, the quality of your work, and how nice you are to them.

This does not mean you have to be completely subservient, but you must be careful. You can easily find yourself in a position where everything is going well, the person becomes familiar to you, and then you start taking things for granted. A breakdown in the relationship between a boss and an employee can be highly negative.
 

The Dangers of Outshining Superiors and Excessive Familiarity

Most people, including partners, have some form of insecurity. When they are nice to you and you start getting close to them, the relationship can become less professional, and bad things happen when you take them for granted. I will also discuss situations where you might know more about a case or transaction than your superior, inadvertently putting yourself in competition with them.

When I was an associate, I sometimes worked for people who were not as intelligent as me. If I pointed that out, it created major issues. The best thing you can do in any employment environment is to make the person above you feel important.

Think about it: people buy nice cars, live in nice neighborhoods, take expensive vacations, and cheer for winning sports teams to feel important. Everyone trying to get the best grades in law school is doing it to feel important. Because this need is fundamental, if you make the people you work for feel insecure, they will stop giving you work or replace you.

When I ran a law firm serving my companies, I had associates giving outside counsel work to review. Even if our work wasn't very good, the outside counsel would send emails saying, "This work was exceptional, thank you for helping me," despite me knowing it wasn't great. That attorney was trying to make the inside attorneys feel good about themselves, which is exactly how outside counsel secured more work from us.

Most people refer business or hire candidates because those individuals make them feel good. If you go into an interview and don't smile or connect with the interviewer, they won't hire you.

Billionaires and highly successful individuals are often incredibly adept at getting inside someone's head, figuring out what is important to them, and blowing up their ego. Because they do this, people constantly want to help them in business. I have noticed this pattern for 25 years: highly successful people will "love bomb" someone they need, making them feel respected. Once business starts, if the billionaire gets mad or negotiates harder, the other person becomes extremely upset and works even harder to win back their approval.
 

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See Related Articles:

• How to Make Partner in a Law Firm: Top 10 Characteristics of Superstar Associates Who Make Partner
• The Next Step on Your Professional Path: Build a Network
• Why Attorneys Who Do Not Make the Attorneys Who Give Them Work Feel Important Can Destroy Their Legal Careers

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The Hidden Curriculum of Law Firms

No one teaches you this in law school. You are taught to read, write, and master the law, but you aren't taught how to manage the people above you, how to avoid taking credit for everything, or how to read a room. The people who get ahead do these things, while those who remain unemployed struggle with them.

As a recruiter, I listen to candidates, figure out what makes them unique, and ask about their personal interests. This helps me write things that allow hiring managers to connect with them as humans rather than just resumes. Once, I spoke with an unemployed woman who had an incredible pedigree—an electrical engineering degree from the University of Michigan and experience at major Chicago firms. However, her jobs only lasted six to nine months. When I tried to draw out personal information to help her connect with employers, she became very upset, insisting that people should only hire her for her degrees and ability. She refused to see the value in connection. I later found out she had filed numerous frivolous lawsuits against her former employers. People who are chronically unemployed usually have severe issues with connection and authority.

Similarly, I recently spoke with a family member who had eight or nine jobs in a short period. He told me he resents supervisors if he thinks they are stupid, and he voices his opinions, which inevitably leads to him being fired. Resenting authority and failing to make superiors feel good leads to major trouble.

I learned this myself. When I was 16, I worked as a valet at the Grosse Pointe Yacht Club. I made hundreds of dollars in tips on the Fourth of July, only for my boss to demand all my tips. I was exhausted and resentful. The next day, I complained about him to a coworker. She immediately reported it to him, and he fired me for talking behind his back. A similar incident happened when I worked as a garbage man before college; I didn't get along with my coworkers, didn't make them feel good, and was fired again.
 

The Hierarchy of Importance

Even the most senior equity partners have people above them—like the executive committee—who determine their compensation. They have to work hard, bill hours, and cater to the committee to feel important. Everyone at every level is trying to make someone else feel important. Partners face pressure to generate revenue, navigate politics, and retain clients.

You must realize that superiors often feel insecure and fear being outshined by younger attorneys. I once worked for an exceptional partner with a massive book of business who was insecure about his writing skills. He hired a brilliant associate from Columbia Law School just to write for him. However, that associate began speaking negatively to others about the partner's poor writing. The partner found out, immediately stopped giving him work, effectively fired him, and I was hired to replace him.

If people feel unsafe or believe you don't think they are important, they will emotionally withdraw. They will stop giving you work, speak negatively about your attitude to other partners, and ruin your reputation. You will ultimately be asked to leave because you made others feel bad.

When you are hired, it is essentially to serve. The best associates triple-check their work, look dedicated, respond quickly to emails, fiercely defend their partners against criticism, and compliment them.

As you start working, relationships often warm up. Partners begin to trust you, share personal details, and take you out for drinks. However, as you learn about their weaknesses or personal flaws, you might begin to take the relationship for granted and view them as a peer. The second you do that, you are in trouble. You must always remain the dedicated hard worker who makes the partner feel important.
 

Professional Boundaries and Social Intelligence

A partner wants someone who has their back. Partners face immense stress from competing colleagues and demanding clients, and they need to feel safe. If you address people inappropriately, interrupt them, or joke about them, it will get back to the partner. Secretaries, who have often worked with a partner for decades, are their eyes and ears and will absolutely report gossip to protect their boss.

Familiarity leads to associates stopping their preparations, giving unsolicited feedback, or forwarding eccentric emails with negative commentary. Law firms frequently review associate emails.

For example, a mid-level associate worked closely with a partner and received excellent reviews. They grew so close that the partner brought the associate to depositions just to consult them. During a dinner with a client, the associate corrected the partner regarding case history. Later over drinks, the associate joked about the older partner's "old school" approach. Though the partner laughed, they felt disrespected in front of the client. The partner immediately stopped giving the associate work and wrote negative reviews about their judgment. The associate was in trouble simply because they made the partner feel unimportant.

You must never correct superiors in public. Clients will respect a partner more if they see you respecting them. Act like you are perpetually auditioning for your job. Furthermore, any negative or overly personal information you volunteer about yourself—such as past promiscuity, substance abuse, or messy divorces—will be repeated and used against you. Talk about food, travel, or sports, but never complain about other partners or express a desire to go in-house. You are a soldier, not a general.

Outshining the people you work for is dangerous. You will frequently work for people who are less intelligent than you. I knew a brilliant woman with a PhD from Pepperdine who constantly lost law firm jobs. She admitted that she was smarter than the partners, made it known, and was fired repeatedly. It is common for senior associates to act like they know everything, making them far less marketable than fourth- or fifth-year associates who still cater to partners.

If you solve a major issue, let the partner take credit. I once analyzed a $100 million satellite failure contract for a named partner and discovered a technicality that saved the client. The partner successfully pitched it, took all the credit in a firm-wide memo, and never mentioned me. I didn't care because it is not my job to take credit. Your job is to make the partner look good.

If a client tells you they prefer dealing with you over the partner, keep it to yourself. Never brag about it to other associates. Social intelligence means reading emotions and adjusting your behavior to serve the interests of others. I highly recommend the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, which emphasizes never criticizing, using people's names, and talking in terms of their interests.

 

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Questions and Answers

 

Job Security and Indispensability

Question: How can I make myself harder to replace at my law firm if I'm worried about job security?

You become indispensable. When people decide who they are going to keep around, they typically look at your hours and the quality of your work. Obviously, having more hours gives you security. It is crucial that clients rely on you and that people feel certain tasks wouldn't get done without you. However, it also comes down to how much people like you, how connected they feel to you, and whether they believe you represent the firm well.
 

Securing a Judicial Clerkship

Question: How can I increase my chance of getting a judicial clerkship if I'm competing against top law students?

Federal district court clerkships and state clerkships don't always go to top law students from top schools. Judges often hire people they simply like the most. If you have political affiliations that match the judge's, or if you attended the same law school, that helps. You drastically increase your chances by applying in areas that don't receive many applicants, like North Dakota or Alaska, rather than highly competitive areas like the Eastern District of New York. The more applications you send, the better your odds.
 

Negotiating Law Firm Salaries

Question: How should I negotiate salary for a law firm job offer without making the firm question my interest or judgment?

You can negotiate your salary for law firm job offers, and there is nothing wrong with it in most cases. However, if you are applying to a firm with strict lockstep salary bands for specific class years, asking for more won't work. For the first five years of your career, your primary goal is to get trained in a practice area. Once trained, you can do that work for the rest of your career. Salary is one component, but training and access to work are much more important.
 

Lateraling from a Staff Attorney Role

Question: In your experience, how feasible is it to lateral to a major New York firm as a third-year associate coming from a structured staff attorney track?

Anytime you are in a staff attorney role, the assumption is that you are doing work that is not as important as the work associates do, your hours are lower, and you are not being prepared for partnership. If you try to transition to a highly competitive market like New York, major firms will have numerous associate applicants and will prefer them over staff attorneys. You are better off lateraling into a smaller firm as an associate first, and then attempting a move to a major firm later. Furthermore, you should refer to yourself simply as an "attorney," rather than drawing attention to the "staff attorney" title.
 

Handling Document Review Experience on a Resume

Question: Following that advice, how would you recommend presenting document review experience on a resume to avoid the stigma while remaining fully accurate?

I do not like seeing resumes where people emphasize being document review attorneys. It is almost better to leave it off and have a gap in employment than to explicitly list document review, because hiring managers will always prefer a standard associate candidate. If you were doing temporary jobs, you can simply list the substantive temporary work you performed, or perhaps state you were a solo practitioner.
 

Office Transfers vs. Lateraling to a Prestigious Firm

Question: I began my current position thanks to a junior partner who knew me well from law school. Assuming I maintain a strong working relationship with them, would it make more sense to transfer to the firm's New York office, or focus on opportunities at more prestigious firms?

It makes more sense to continue working for that junior partner. That person can legitimately help your career. You are far more likely to succeed if you remain in an environment where people actively support you.
 

Navigating Social Media Requests from Supervisors

Question: If a manager or supervisor requests to add you on your social media pages, does that establish trust with them?

Yes, you should allow them to add you. However, everyone must be extremely careful on social media because colleagues will look at it and talk about it. If you post the wrong thing, you can get in serious trouble at work. I would add them but ensure my profiles, like Instagram, remain private and highly curated.
 

Conducting a Job Search While Employed

Question: How can I prepare an effective attorney job search plan while still working full-time at a law firm?

To have an effective job search plan, you should constantly monitor the market. Use aggregation sites like LawCrossing, which pulls unadvertised jobs directly from law firm and corporate websites. Anyone interested in moving should always be looking at the market to see if there is a better opportunity.
 

Handling a Difficult Supervising Attorney

Question: How should I work with a difficult supervising attorney during an internship or externship without damaging my reputation?

Just do the best possible work you can. In most cases, your professional reputation won't be heavily impacted by an internship. Your primary objective in these roles is simply to learn how to work for different types of people. Do not say anything negative about them or to them.
 

Addressing Increased Criticism of Your Work

Question: How can I avoid losing my law firm job if partners are starting to criticize my work more often?

If your work is being criticized, you must improve it. Do the absolute best quality work you can, and try to get advice from mid-level associates. You need to take the criticism to heart and fix the issues immediately. Your ultimate objective is to secure repeat business from that partner, so you must ensure your work is good enough that they want to give you more.
 

Building Partner Confidence

Question: How can I communicate with partners in a way that makes them feel confident giving me more work?

People will give you more work if you deliver a good product that they don't have to think a lot about. Think through your assignments carefully, don't rush, and ensure you are delivering exactly what they asked for. If you do the best job you can, they will keep coming back to you.
 

Law Firm Strategies for Salary Negotiations

Question: How should law firms handle salary negotiations when a strong candidate asks for more than the initial offer?

It depends on how they ask and whether the firm uses lockstep compensation. If compensation is lockstep, paying one associate more will cause issues with all the others. However, if the firm genuinely needs the attorney, they should allow for negotiation. Law firms are often short-sighted about this; a candidate asking for an extra $50,000 could ultimately generate hundreds of thousands of dollars in profit for the firm.
 

Gaining Trust from a Threatened Supervisor

Question: Almost everywhere I go, my supervisor's boss likes me, but my direct supervisor feels threatened even though I actively support them. How can I gain my direct supervisor's trust?

Supervisors can feel threatened for a variety of political reasons. Ultimately, you shouldn't actively try to make anyone feel threatened. Keep doing the best possible work you can. Sometimes an employer simply isn't a good cultural fit, and your goal should always be to find a firm that aligns with your culture and the way you work.
 

Final Takeaway

So, just to kind of wrap everything up and give you a final takeaway, the most important thing you can remember is that it really doesn't matter how smart you are, what your pedigree is, or what law school you went to if you aren't making the people you work for feel important. Everybody out there, whether they are a senior partner, a general counsel, or a client, has some level of insecurity and they need to feel valued and respected.

The second you start taking their affection for granted, outshining them, or acting like you know everything, you're going to be in trouble. You always need to act like a soldier and not a general. Remember that work is like water to a fish for an attorney; you always need access to it. If you focus on making other people feel good about themselves, remaining teachable, and doing the absolute best work you can to make your superiors look good, you are always going to have a job, you will always have access to work, and you are going to have a very successful career.
 

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About Harrison Barnes

The Architect of the Hidden Legal Job Market

For most lawyers, an attorney job search begins with public job postings, law firm websites, and job boards. Harrison Barnes knows that the best opportunities are often found elsewhere—in the hidden legal job market, where confidential firm needs, quiet practice expansions, and customized roles are never publicly advertised.

As the Founder and CEO of BCG Attorney Search, Harrison has spent more than 25 years helping attorneys access opportunities before they reach the public market. He understands that law firms often hire strategically and confidentially, especially when seeking highly marketable lateral talent, replacing underperformers, or expanding key practice areas.

Harrison’s insight into law firm recruiting comes from firsthand legal experience. He is a graduate of the University of Virginia School of Law, a former federal law clerk, and a former associate at Quinn Emanuel. Early in his career, he saw that traditional legal recruiting was often reactive and overly dependent on posted openings.

To change that, Harrison built BCG Attorney Search into one of the most comprehensive legal recruiting platforms in the country. Over the past two and a half decades, he has invested heavily in proprietary law firm intelligence, attorney market data, and a nationwide recruiting team. This infrastructure helps identify legal career opportunities before they become visible to most candidates.

Harrison and his team do more than match resumes to job descriptions. They help attorneys understand their legal career options, improve their marketability, and position themselves as solutions to a law firm’s specific needs. Whether advising a junior associate, a senior associate, counsel, or a partner, Harrison focuses on aligning each attorney’s strengths with the right firm, platform, and long-term career path.

Through this approach, Harrison has helped place attorneys in thousands of law firms nationwide, from Am Law 100 firms to specialized boutiques and growing regional practices. His work has helped attorneys make career moves that many believed were impossible.

Today, Harrison Barnes is recognized as one of the legal industry’s leading recruiters and career strategists. His legal career advice, articles, webinars, podcasts, and resources such as The Legal Career Insider Substack are followed by attorneys across the country.

Harrison believes the best legal careers are built by finding doors others cannot see. Through BCG Attorney Search, he gives attorneys access to the hidden market—and helps them move toward the career they truly want.

This breadth of placements is unheard of in the legal recruiting industry and is a testament to his extraordinary ability to connect attorneys with the right firms, regardless of market size or practice area.

Proven Success at All Levels

With over 25 years of experience, Harrison has successfully placed attorneys at over 1,000 law firms, including:

• Top Am Law 100 firms such including Sullivan and Cromwell, and almost every AmLaw 100 and AmLaw 200 law firm.
• Elite boutique firms with specialized practices
• Mid-sized firms looking to expand their practice areas
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He has also placed hundreds of law firm partners and has worked on firm and practice area mergers, helping law firms strategically grow their teams.

Unmatched Commitment to Attorney Success - The Story of BCG Attorney Search

Harrison Barnes is not just the most effective legal recruiter in the country, he is also the founder of BCG Attorney Search, a recruiting powerhouse that has helped thousands of attorneys transform their careers. His vision for BCG goes beyond just job placement; it is built on a mission to provide attorneys with opportunities they would never have access to otherwise. Unlike traditional recruiting firms, BCG Attorney Search operates as a career partner, not just a placement service. The firm's unparalleled resources, including a team of over 150 employees, enable it to offer customized job searches, direct outreach to firms, and market intelligence that no other legal recruiting service provides. Attorneys working with Harrison and BCG gain access to hidden opportunities, real-time insights on firm hiring trends, and guidance from a team that truly understands the legal market. You can read more about how BCG Attorney Search revolutionizes legal recruiting here: The Story of BCG Attorney Search and What We Do for You.

The Most Trusted Career Advisor for Attorneys

Harrison's legal career insights are the most widely followed in the profession.

• His articles on BCG Search alone are read by over 150,000 attorneys per month, making his guidance the most sought-after in the legal field. Read his latest insights here.
• He has conducted hundreds of hours of career development webinars, available here: Harrison Barnes Webinar Replays.
• His placement success is unmatched-see examples here: Harrison Barnes' Attorney Placements.
• He has created numerous comprehensive career development courses, including BigLaw Breakthrough, designed to help attorneys land positions at elite law firms.

Submit Your Resume to Work with Harrison Barnes

If you are serious about advancing your legal career and want access to the most sought-after law firm opportunities, Harrison Barnes is the most powerful recruiter to have on your side.

Submit your resume today to start working with him: Submit Resume Here

With an unmatched track record of success, a vast team of over 150 dedicated employees, and a reach into every market and practice area, Harrison Barnes is the recruiter who makes career transformations happen and has the talent and resources behind him to make this happen.

A Relentless Commitment to Attorney Success

Unlike most recruiters who work with only a narrow subset of attorneys, Harrison Barnes works with lawyers at all stages of their careers, from junior associates to senior partners, in every practice area imaginable. His placements are not limited to only those with "elite" credentials-he has helped thousands of attorneys, including those who thought it was impossible to move firms, find their next great opportunity.

Harrison's work is backed by a team of over 150 professionals who work around the clock to uncover hidden job opportunities at law firms across the country. His team:

• Finds and creates job openings that aren't publicly listed, giving attorneys access to exclusive opportunities.
• Works closely with candidates to ensure their resumes and applications stand out.
• Provides ongoing guidance and career coaching to help attorneys navigate interviews, negotiations, and transitions successfully.

This level of dedicated support is unmatched in the legal recruiting industry.

A Legal Recruiter Who Changes Lives

Harrison believes that every attorney-no matter their background, law school, or previous experience-has the potential to find success in the right law firm environment. Many attorneys come to him feeling stuck in their careers, underpaid, or unsure of their next steps. Through his unique ability to identify the right opportunities, he helps attorneys transform their careers in ways they never thought possible.

He has worked with:

• Attorneys making below-market salaries who went on to double or triple their earnings at new firms.
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• Attorneys in small or remote markets who assumed they had no options-only to be placed at strong firms they never knew existed.
• Partners looking for a better platform or more autonomy who successfully transitioned to firms where they could grow their practice.

For attorneys who think their options are limited, Harrison Barnes has proven time and time again that opportunities exist-often in places they never expected.

Submit Your Resume Today - Start Your Career Transformation

If you want to explore new career opportunities, Harrison Barnes and BCG Attorney Search are your best resources. Whether you are looking for a BigLaw position, a boutique firm, or a move to a better work environment, Harrison's expertise will help you take control of your future.

👉 Submit Your Resume Here to get started with Harrison Barnes today.

Harrison's reach, experience, and proven results make him the best legal recruiter in the industry. Don't settle for an average recruiter-work with the one who has changed the careers of thousands of attorneys and can do the same for you.

About BCG Attorney Search

BCG Attorney Search matches attorneys and law firms with unparalleled expertise and drive, while achieving results. Known globally for its success in locating and placing attorneys in law firms of all sizes, BCG Attorney Search has placed thousands of attorneys in law firms in thousands of different law firms around the country. Unlike other legal placement firms, BCG Attorney Search brings massive resources of over 150 employees to its placement efforts locating positions and opportunities its competitors simply cannot. Every legal recruiter at BCG Attorney Search is a former successful attorney who attended a top law school, worked in top law firms and brought massive drive and commitment to their work. BCG Attorney Search legal recruiters take your legal career seriously and understand attorneys. For more information, please visit www.BCGSearch.com.